Malaysian Ah Long Vs The Police

Shared by my colleague Jonathan.

	THE COPS	THE AH LONGS
SLOGAN	"Mesra, Cepat & Betul"	"Mesra, Jika Cepat Bayar"
TEAM SIZE	89,197	3,403
HIGHEST RANK	IGP, Tan Sri	Tai Kor, Datuk
LOWEST RANK	Constable	Mah Chai
RANK ID	Pips On Uniform	Tattoos On Body
HOME GROUND	Bukit Aman	Bukit Bintang
FIREPOWER	Revolver, Semi Automatic	Meat Cleaver, Molotov Cocktail
STANDARD ISSUE	Hand Cuffs	Knuckle Duster
AFFLIATION	Interpol	Intertriad
SQUAD CAR	Proton Wira, Waja, Perodua Kancil	Proton Aeroback (With Extended Spoiler)
WANTED LIST	Displayed At Stations, Published In Papers	Displayed On Lamp Posts, Phone Booths
COMMUNICATION	Encrypted Wireless Network	Random Pre-Paid Cellphones
SPECIAL SKILLS	Surveillance, Investigation, Interception	Stake-Out, Ambush, Bone Re-Structuring
CROWD CONTROL	Water Cannon, Dog Unit	Fire Bomb, Killer Bees
BACK-UP	PVR, RELA	Car Repossessors, Club Bouncers
RECENT WIN	Stopped Siti Nurhaliza Hate Mails	Financed Euro 2004 Betting Activities
RECENT DEFEAT	Lost 1 Police Station To A Food Court	Missed 1 Food Court Financing Opportunity
RECRUITMENT	Via Mass Media	Via Friend Of A Friend Of A Friend
DISLIKES	ACA, Lawyers	MCA, Lawyers
FAV MOVIES	Police Story 1 - 5, Serpico	Jaws, Loan Shark, Mean Streets
FAV QUOTE	"Tengok Tengki?"	"Macam Mana Mau Settle?"
FAN CLUB	Rakan COP	Rakan TELCO

Know Your Customers

Something my colleague shared with me..

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.
A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained
"When I got posted in the Middle East , I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through three posters...


First poster: A man lying in the hot desert sand...totally exhausted and fainting.
Second poster: The man is drinking our Cola.
Third poster: Our man is now totally refreshed.
And Then these posters were pasted all over the place
"Then that should have worked!" said the friend.
"The hell it should have!? said the salesman. didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left"

Man Utd Signs Michael Owen

Arh.... Surprise surprise!

Owen goes to Man Utd. =P

My views? I love it.....
Okok, I know his nowadays more popular to be injured than scoring goals, and his less feared compared to his earlier days, but how good does it get to sign a proven goalscoring striker for FREE???

He may not be the regular like he used to during his Liverpool days and maybe he may not score as many goals as well, but his experience and skills will certainly still be good. What more, he is a 3rd striker anyway. If he produces the same impact as how Teddy Sheringham did during his MU days, thats good enough.

See the transfer market is closing soon and Fergie needs more time to scout for younger prospects rather than simply buying some and ending up like what happened with kleberson... Djemba-Djemba and co.... So bringing in Michael Owen for Free to buy himself a couple more years to find a good prospect is a good move. Furthermore, Owen may find himself performing better around a group of better players. Rather then getting disappointed about how he fails to see the ball often thanks to crappy passing from the Newcastle Midfielders, he only need to worry about how he can find the net now!

In addition, it also gives players like Welbeck and Macheda a chance to prove themselfs. I am particularly excited about Macheda's development! I'm sure he will be better then Guiseppe Rossi considering the impact he has made in the first team VS the one Rossi did last time.

Whats best, if Owen really does not perform, how much does Man Utd lose?? Just a few hundred thousand pounds to a few million at max? There's always the December transfer window... =P

So.. after signing Owen for free... we've still got a lot of transfer funds left... I wonder if a Keeper is coming in as well?? hmph....

I am excited to see how Fergie can bring back the life in Owen. I'm sure he hasn't lost his finishing touch!

Man Utd Signs Antonio Valencia

Finally Man Utd spends some of the available transfer funds. It's certainly great news that they splashed it on an established young prospect like Antonio Valencia. I for one believe that he will bring more benefits to the clubs and perhaps like what all the papers say, he may not be able to score as much as Ronaldo has but personally I'll say, with Valencia around to supply the balls, leave the goalscoring duties to Rooney and Berbatov!!!!

He may lose to Ronaldo on technical skills, dribbling and goal scoring prowess, he ain't far behind in terms of pace and speed! I do believe he has the ability to beat Ronaldo in terms of physical strength (Especially to stay standing rather than be on the ground...).

But apart from all the skills, pace, attitude and crossing abilities he brings, there is one more thing I like about him. He is a midfielder. A full 100% midfielder.

Whats so good about that you're asking? Well.. back when we had Ronaldo... sometimes he appears in Centre Forward, sometimes his a striker and Rooney have to play out wide! Now with Valencia, Rooney would certainly appear less often on the wing and more often in the central role where he is more dangerous. Furthermore, Valencia is more of a ball provider, rather then the show stealer. Hopefully with his unselfish playing style, we can see more goals coming from Berbatov and Rooney. I have confidence in this current Man Utd Squad, but I do hope to see at least another striker coming in, and rumours are saying there is a big money (More than 35 million pounds) bid for Benzema coming in.. is it from Man Utd?? Urgh... I've never seen Ferguson spending anything more than 40 mils.... So we'll see what goes but I hope to see a more versatile forward coming in, rather then a Ruud Van Nistelrooy type of striker. =)

Who is the new leader of China?

This is a joke I first heard during the Church Camp when Victor mentioned about it. So I found it on youtube and decided just to share to everyone. Its funny. =P

Man Utd's June Transfer Dealings

Those who know me knows that I'm an avid Man Utd Fan. I can't help but to comment about Man Utd's recent 2 high profile transfer dealings.

1.) Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro (80m to Real Madrid)
2.) Carlos Alberto Tevez (Rejected Man Utd's Contract)

I am DELIGHTED, yes, DELIGHTED, as in happy, glad, relieved that Ronaldo is gone from Man Utd.

Firstly, no offense to his skills. I admire his skills greatly, and I'm grateful for his contributions for Man Utd in the last 6 seasons. He scores lots of goals, great goals, important goals, easy goals, penalty kicks, set pieces, you name it, he does it. Do I hate his arrogance? No I don't.. because I feel great players have the right to be arrogant, remember Eric the King? True united legend.

So why am I happy that he has left Man Utd?

1.) He has recently loss his ability to play as a team. His true colours showed against Barcelona in the Champions League final. His selfish and individual play led to the disaster of the team play. Not to blame him alone but as the only man up front, we had poor posession of the ball in the final third. Instead of holding the ball and let midfielders like Rooney, Ji Sung and Anderson move up, he tried to tackle the entire Barcelona defense alone.

2.) His childish reactions. I cannot stand his childish reactions.... Acting like a kid whining after he drops his ice cream... Compare the maturity growth between Rooney and Ronaldo, you know where I'm getting at. Rooney is more adult and professional now, but Ronaldo's handling of failures and being substituted out is not the stuffs that comes from Legends....

3.) Greed. Same feeling goes when Beckham left for Real Madrid. Anybody following football well enough will know the Real Madrid is just a museum of great talents. Count the medals won by players such as Giggs, Scholes and Neville and we all know which football club to play for to win the most medals. It was obviously not about the medals, more about the $$$.

4.) I feel the 80m transfer funds earn by selling Ronaldo can help improve the overall balance of the whole team. We may have Anderson to replace Scholes, Rafael to replace Neville, but we have yet to find someone to replace Giggs and Hargreaves time will soon be up. No doubt we may have Berbatov and Rooney, but we need a goal scoring machine (Benzema?). Ferguson still needs to bolster the strike force with 1 "goal scoring machine' and 2 more wingers at the least. Personally, I don't like the idea of Rooney on the wing.. I prefer him up front (look at England's recent scorers...), so Ferguson should really look on getting a TRUE winger.... (Valencia?)

So on a final verdict on Ronaldo, I wonder how many more medals he can win with Real Madrid. I hope Real lose out the title to Barcelona... Just like how Messi showed that he has better overall qualities then Ronaldo...

On the Tevez affair. I'm not delighted that we didn't manage to capture him. But its not really like his that big of a loss compared to Ronaldo, so I'm not disappointed as well.

I have nothing against him. He is a hardworker and is somewhat like the Ji Sung type of player. But in my personal opinion, we don't really need hardworkers like Ji Sung in the striking department! 5 goals this season as a striker, with most of it coming in the league cup, how did he contribute to the EPL glory? Most modern day strikers will be considering him as a Goal-Shy striker...

With 18 starts and 11 Subs, compared to Rooney's (25/5) and Berbatov's (29/2), Tevez only managed 5 goals and 3 assists, compared to Rooney's (12/7) and Berbatov's (9/9). With such statistics, how then do you expect to be ahead of Rooney and Berbatov in the starting line up? Furthermore, giving the excuse that he hasn't played enough games is just totally a lame excuse. He wasn't really far off behind Rooney and Berbatov in terms of number of games played.

We have Rooney to work his socks off in the striking department, we don't need another one. Imagine if Rooney and Tevez goes after the same ball and wins them in midfied.. oh dear, where are the strikers!?

Cantona didn't need to be hardworking like Tevez to be a legendary goal scorer. We don't need another work horse like Rooney, Ji Sung, Carrick... what we need is a goal scorer. Unless Tevez wants to switch to midfield... just like Alan Smith did. But are you sure you want to spend 30Mils on a player that may end up the same story as Alan Smith? Not for me.....

And what would the ideal signing be for Man Utd?
To be honest, I dont' really watch Antonia Valencia and David Villa that much, but I'm a big fan of Benzema and Ribery. Ribery is over priced... but he will be a good buy for 30Mils. Benzema for 30 mils as well. I'm sure Ribery will bring out the best of Berbatov and Rooney. (Ronaldo was too selfish...). Benzema can add to the extra sting up front when we need 3 ahead.

As for backup's, I'm confident to stick with the likes of Darren Gibson, Federico Macheda and Welback. Oh yeah, Ritchie De Laet performed amazingly in MU's last match as well! And I've yet to see Tosic do anything grand! ARGH!!!!!

I'll wait patiently. I just hope Ferguson don't end up like his last signing spree after Beckham left.... Remember Djemba-Djemba... David Bellion... and what was the other guys name.... Kleberson? Urgh...... Together with Liam Miller and a few others... Those are the WORST signings I've ever seen from Ferguson. Lets hope there's none of that anymore and I'm very excited about Man Utd's Transfer activity for the next 2 months!

Mozart Beyond The Grave

Just a joke I saw somewhere... =)

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the town magistrate to come and listen to it.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."