You have been warned by the topic. If you can't accept dirty jokes, I suggest you to press Alt+F4 to resolve your issue. If you do get a prompt, click something similar to "Yes". Hehehe. =P
Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both r pregnant!
Tragedy: When U r Not responsible 4 both!
The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of Sperm when Mating. Only 10% enters the female.
And you always wondered why the sea tasted Salty?!
Wives are funny creatures.
They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does..
Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-olympic sex .
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Life: Not really. It only happens once in 4 Years.
The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls.
The Lord Almighty sentenced them to : Hang Till Death !
A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in.
He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.
What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?
Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of a standing cock.
If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
Tit-Bits..
And if it bursts in a man's underwear?
Banana split.
What's the diff between a bomb n a condom?
In a bomb blast population decreases & if a condom blasts population increases.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Shocked and appalled cat
oh..... OH....... Oh my..... OH MY...... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT IS THAT THING BEHIND YOU!!! O.O
LOL!!!!!!
Friday, August 20, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
What Can people of the world do with 2 COWS?
You have 2 cows-What do they Do?
SOCIALISM : You have 2 cows, so you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM : You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM : You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM : You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM : You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
MALAYSIAN BUMIPUTRAISM : You have two cows, the State takes one and gives it to your bumiputra neighbour. From the milk you sell from the remaining cow you buy a bull and mulitply your herd. The State takes 30 per cent of your herd as it grows and give them to your bumiputra neigbour. Your bumiputra neighbour has a kenduri each time they receive a cow.
UMNOPUTRAISM : The State takes 30 per cent of your herd and parks them in Switzerland in the name of some UMNO official or close relatives, friends and sons-in-law.
MALAYSIAN GOVERNMENT LINKED OR BUMIPUTRA CORPORATION : You have two cows. You employ mainly bumiputras to milk them. But both cows have been sent to the kenduri, so the State gives you more cows and write off the losses of the first two. After several kenduris later, you invite an American or German Corporation to turnaround the losses. The Japanese have however already taken their two original cows back home to Japan .
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION : You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM : You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION : You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION : You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION : You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION : You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION : You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows because you're sobering up and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION : You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINA CORPORATION : You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION : You have two cows. You worship them
A BRITISH CORPORATION : You have two cows. Both are mad.
SOCIALISM : You have 2 cows, so you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM : You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM : You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM : You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM : You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
MALAYSIAN BUMIPUTRAISM : You have two cows, the State takes one and gives it to your bumiputra neighbour. From the milk you sell from the remaining cow you buy a bull and mulitply your herd. The State takes 30 per cent of your herd as it grows and give them to your bumiputra neigbour. Your bumiputra neighbour has a kenduri each time they receive a cow.
UMNOPUTRAISM : The State takes 30 per cent of your herd and parks them in Switzerland in the name of some UMNO official or close relatives, friends and sons-in-law.
MALAYSIAN GOVERNMENT LINKED OR BUMIPUTRA CORPORATION : You have two cows. You employ mainly bumiputras to milk them. But both cows have been sent to the kenduri, so the State gives you more cows and write off the losses of the first two. After several kenduris later, you invite an American or German Corporation to turnaround the losses. The Japanese have however already taken their two original cows back home to Japan .
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION : You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM : You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION : You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION : You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION : You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION : You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION : You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows because you're sobering up and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION : You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINA CORPORATION : You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION : You have two cows. You worship them
A BRITISH CORPORATION : You have two cows. Both are mad.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Life Explained =P
Just for laughs... =P
On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed......
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God agreed......
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again......
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God. "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Daddy's Car
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods.Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a
passionate embrace.
Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and
started to tell his mother.'Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.I went back to look and he was
giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt.Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...'
At this point Mummy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time.I want to see the look on Daddy's
face when you tell it tonight.'
At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story Johnny started his story, 'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.Then Aunt Jane helped
Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the oil rigs...'
Mummy fainted!
passionate embrace.
Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and
started to tell his mother.'Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.I went back to look and he was
giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt.Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...'
At this point Mummy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time.I want to see the look on Daddy's
face when you tell it tonight.'
At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story Johnny started his story, 'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.Then Aunt Jane helped
Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the oil rigs...'
Mummy fainted!
Moral:
Sometimes you need to just shut up and listen to the whole story
before you interrupt!
Sometimes you need to just shut up and listen to the whole story
before you interrupt!
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