Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Complicated Relationship

Family Problem

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot
after shot

The Indian man said to the American 'You know my parents are forcing me to
get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even
met once.' We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman
whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of
family problems'

The American said, talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story. I
married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. 'After a couple
of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so
my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law

Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More
problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he
is my uncle

Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my
brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather and I
am my own grandson.. And you say you have family problems...

The Indian fainted.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Laptop Reliability

I don't want to discourage people from buying certain brands of laptop but maybe this will help in your next choice! =P


So yes, try not to ask me if my companies laptop are good. =P

Read the full report from Square Trade: http://www.squaretrade.com/htm/pdf/SquareTrade_laptop_reliability_1109.pdf

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Corporate Lessons

So, we will be going through change
Here’s three lessons from large corporations to help you survive change….

CORPORATE LESSON 1

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”
The crow answered: "Sure, why not.”
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared,
Jumped on the rabbit... and ate it.

Moral of the story is….
To be sitting and doing nothing you must be sitting very, very high up.


 
CORPORATE LESSON 2

A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that  tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy.”
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating more dung, he reached  the second branch.
Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree
Soon he was spotted by a farmer
Who promptly shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


CORPORATE LESSON 3

A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realise how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug  him out and ate him!

The morals of this story are:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Vatican Humour

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.
 
 'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'
 
 'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today..'
 
 'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning..
 
 'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.
 
 Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kms.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)
 
 'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
 
 'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.
 
 The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
 
 'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.
 
 The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.
 
 'So bust him,' says the Chief.
 
 'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.
 
 The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!'
 
 'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.
 
 The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'
 Cop: 'Bigger.'
 
 Chief: ' A senator?'
 Cop: 'Bigger..'  
 
 Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
 Cop: 'Bigger.'
 
 'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'
 
 Cop: 'I think it's God!'
 
 The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'
 
 Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'